Highlights of 2006

From the sports world:

1. Dusty Baker and Andy MacPhail getting fired.
2. Joe Paterno running off the field to take a shit.
3. Joe Paterno getting his knee blown out, then later
on the Penn State injury report, ABC listed, "Paterno:
Knee"
4. Dusty Baker towards the end of the season claiming
that he isn't getting fired, and he's not quitting.
5. Carmelo Anthony's sucker punch, then runs away.
6. Kobe and the Lakers being eliminated in round 1.
7. The Cubs signing Soriano.
8. The Cardinals winning the World Series, although
that's actually a lowlight.
9. Bears on the their way to a 14-2 season, hopefully
will end with a win in Miami.
10. Ozzie Guillen calling Jay Mariotti a fag.
11. Michael Barrett's punch on A.J. Pierzynski.
12. Pierzynski's game winning home run onto Sheffield
Avenue later that year.
13. One of the Cubs players claiming that Joey Cora
bit him during the brawl following Barrett's punch.
14. Dennis Green's postgame tirade after his team
blew the game to the Bears.
15. The Yankees choking once again in the playoffs.
16. Notre Dame getting blasted in their only 2 tough
games of the year, USC and Michigan.
17. The USC-Texas national title game.

Quotes/Highlight's from the year:

1. B talking to D on baseball's opening day, seeing
a highlight of David Ortiz hitting a home run, trying
to rap like Jay Z, "Hey Papi, even if you don't
understand the flow, please let me know, I'll try to
help you out, and then all the ladies start screaming
Hey Pappi!"
2. In STL, B, Wac, and Marti are waiting for the
train to Busch Stadium, some chick yells into her
phone, "Jesus Christ!", Marti then stands up, raises
his hand and yells out, "Yeeeeees!"
3. Haw bragging about showing some female politician
our fantasy league, which led to some people wondering
if he showed her all of Marti's drunken postings.
4. At the hotel before seeing the 80's cover band at
Durty Nellie's, Dean knocks the cover off the AC unit,
then tries to put it back on with half his ass hanging
out of his pants.
5. B screaming at the band to play Guns N Roses
music, he was ignored.
6. Marti taking all the soaps, shampoo's, pen's, and
pads of paper from the room, then takes all the
instant coffee packets off the maid's cart. Finally,
he swipes the newspaper at the front counter.
7. B standing behind the backstop at his park,
watching his co-ed softball league on a Thursday
evening. Some chick on one of the teams comes over
and starts talking to him, B starts thinking, "She's
pretty cute, I wonder what her deal is." After some
more talking, B asks her why she doesn't play on her
parents team. She then responds with, "Well, I'm
actually too young to be in this league." The league
is for 18 and older. B immediately thinks, "Ohh no."
I then ask her how old she is. She responds with
"15". B then thinks of himself as a potential cradle
robber. Ha ha ha!
8. D calling B during the middle of the night, after
B decided to bail and go home from Casey Moran's in
Wrigleyville. D, "B, I tried calling you numerous
times, but you flat out didn't answer. I don't get it
B, you could have been laid tonight." D tries to tell
B that this chick was ripe for the taking, a claim B
still thinks is horseshit.
9. K getting a titty flash from some fat black chick
behind the counter at the Weiner Circle, a popular
Lincoln Park hot dog place.
10. B sweating this hot chick in a Tigers t-shirt at
Murphy's before the Cubs-Tigers game, D then says,
"Jesus Christ B, stop sweating that chick and do
something about it."
11. Us getting invited to a graduation party in
Lincoln Park, B's not thrilled with it. D tries to
reason with me saying, "It's not going to be a cake
and ice cream party B."
12. At the party, some weird dude is talking about
sex with the graduates parents.
13. D eventually starts breaking into the Jack
Daniels, bad things happen. D, "This is the worst
party I've ever been to. I thought we met some cool
bitches last night." Keep in mind these comments were
directed right to the chicks.
14. B outside while this is happening, taking a piss
on the front stoop. He locks himself out, Bob eventually
finds him after about 3 phone calls.
15. K and D arguing on the way home, K thinking D
blew his chances with any of the chicks. Later Bob
wants to go back there, prompting K to say, "No man,
that ship has sailed."
16. Marti sunbathing in only his boxers in Wac's
backyard. Prompting D to say, "Ohh my Lord!"
17. Wac getting pissed off while playing washers,
takes a stick and repeatedly whips the shit out of the
side of the garage.
18. Dirk having polished off a bottle of Jack Daniels
the previous night, had a King Kong Bundy sized
hangover the next day. "I'm laying in bed, my heart's
racing, and I'm sweating."
19. Waylon and Ace licking each other's dick in the
backyard. Fuckstick then says, "Hey it's K-9
Brokeback Mountain!"
20. One of the funniest moments of the year. "Hey
Dirk, can I bring down your guitar and amp?" "Yeah
sure." I don't know who it was, but he proceeded to
put on an impromtu concert, featuring "Enter Sandman"
riffs. "Hey it's Wacapoloooza!" Later the guitar is
left on top of a garbage can.
21. The next day Ace In The Hole, takes a shit and
piss on Wac's carpet. Marti, "He's shitting, ohhhhhh
now he's pissing!" Wac, "What the hell, I paid 80
bucks for this at Carpets of America. It's time this
house gets respected." B and some other dude
laugh hysterically over Carpets of America.
22. B stopping to take a piss at a gas station in
Atlanta, IL, saying out loud in the washroom, "Man
this bathroom smells like death." B then hears someone
in the stall taking a shit.
23. The Bobby Knight video, maybe the greatest e-mail
video of all time.
24. K and B meeting some chicks at Slugger's the
night before the 4th of July. They hang out with them
the next day on the 4th. They are then treated to one
of the girl's talking about burning herself, inhaling
toxic fumes, and nearly burning down the lab she works
at. Another one, a very large unattractive girl talks
about once having sex in a gas station bathroom.
25. The weekend to end all weekends: Wac mopping the
floor in B's building after a long night at the bar.
Marti taking a whiz in the garbage can in B's place,
sliding into a flower bed, laying down naked between
B and D, standing next to the window naked while
talking on the phone, and passing out at one point
face down on the hardwood floor. Dirk nailing a chick
he later referred to as "Pepperoni Face." Dirk,
"That's B's place right over there, I see it." A 15
dollar cab ride back here followed. Big Ben passed
out during most of the draft, D nudges him, "Hey, it's
your pick." After about 10 different names that Ben
says that are already gone, one is finally available,
"I'll take him!" B sitting on the couch watching the
t.v., big chaw in mouth, listening to the IPod while
Marti is passed out on the floor. Coad, "Hey guys
turn the radio down." He then sharts his pants, wipes
his ass with a Burger King napkin, tosses it out the
sunroof.
26. At some bar in Bloomington, Marti screams out
"Fumble!" during the Michigan-Penn State game.
Everyone in the bar turns and stares at the Party.
27. At Daddio's, once again B yells, "Play some Guns N
Roses or Metallica" at the band.
28. Piss Hair going into a gas station in
Bloomington, forgets what he went in for.
29. B having a massive hangover the next day after
ISU's homecoming, stumbling out of Marti's place,
saying to Marti's roommate and girlfriend sitting on
the couch, "Hey what's up guys?" They gave me a look
as if to say, "Who the fuck is that guy?"
30. While cleaning up after the weekend to end all
weekends, B hears a tearing sound. "Ohh shit, I think
I just ripped my shorts."